9 weeks 4 days

So this little raspberry has turned into a big juicy grape. I had my first appointment with the ob. Things went really well. I told her I was anxious about miscarriage and she put me right into the ultrasound tech. I was so surprised! It was a delight to see this little babe again. Heartbeat was good. Arm and leg buds are noticable in the bottom picture on the top half of it's body. It looked so much bigger than a week and a half ago. They also found a residual cyst from all the fertility drugs.  The cyst may be there the whole pregnancy because of the pregnancy hormones it has a difficult time shrinking. It won't hurt the baby, but if it burst it will be extremely painful. I am still in unbelief that this is happening. Honestly, I don't feel that sick, and I am getting use to being tried! I am grateful for these blessings, just wish I had more reasurrance (like puking) to make me feel more prego.... but then maybe I am just crazy (I am hormonally!).

Graduating

Look how this little grain of rice has grown to be  about the size of a raspberry! Hooray! Today we went in and this little one has a strong heartbeat of 164 bpm! I can't believe in just two weeks that it has grown so much--- compare the last picture with this one and you can see it is taking up much more of the sac! We had our exit interview with the fertility specialist. Gave hugs to all and walked out--- a place I will always cherish. They were so helpful, so positive, and so great!
I am an emotional wreck--- pregnancy hormones are really kicking in. My orneriness is horrible, but overall we are good. Nausea comes in waves and is usually very manageable. Wish I could sleep more, but that will probably always be the case when we had a newborn in to our mix! :)
We are thrilled! Thanks for all your prayers and support. Next apt is on November 14th, with the ob!

Celebrate!

So on Thursday Oct 6, we got a positive pregnancy blood test. My level was 120.... and all of the sudden I was scared to share my news with the blogging world. So I didn't. On Monday, Oct 10, went in for more blood work - my level was 680. Then on Wednesday, it jumped up to 1240. We were excited and yet so cautious, but so grateful to be at this point. Today, we went in for our first ultrasound. There is just one baby! It is has big as a grain of rice, but it's heart was beating!!!! I am thrilled! We will be six weeks tomorrow-- still really early and still possible for this to not work out, but for now, I am thrilled and allowing myself to get a little excited!!!! I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who allowed us to see this sweet baby's heart going pitter patter! Prayers are really answered! Thank you for all of your love and support. I will keep you updated! Next ultrasound is in two weeks and my exit interview with the fertility specialist-- wow!

p.s. if you are in my ward please keep this quiet-- thanks!

Progestrone test

Yesterday I drove 25 minutes for a less-than 10 minutes appointment to have my blood drawn. The blood draw was to test my progestrone. My nurse, Agnes, called back later in the day to tell me that my level was 22.5- which is good. They want it to be between 10 and 20.  She also told me that this means nothing whether I am pregnant or not-- she has seen bad numbers and there is a pregnancy, and she has seen good numbers with no pregnancy. But the  progestrone level does say that I did ovulate ( a necessity to be prego :)) and  that I won't have to take a progestrone pill in another cycle if this cycle does not work out.

I am feeling extremely cautious in allowing myself to get positive about being pregnant. I am hopeful. But I think the miscarriage 8 months ago scared me. I have been reminded that I really have no control of whether this works or not. So I will just try to go about what I can control-- my attitude. I am hopeful that I will get good news and yet I feel somewhat prepared for bad news.  This week has been so long compared to the other weeks in September. This week I only had to drive up to Oakbrook once, instead of three times. I am sure it will feel like a long time until next Thursday. I can't wait for it to come-- I want to know-- not realy good with the waiting time. But this weekend will be fun-- Parker turns 4 and is having a party in-between conference sessions. And I love conference! Happy Weekend!

leave the rest in the hands of God

Everything went really smoothly today! I couldn't have asked for it to go any better than it went. Now we just wait-- which may be the hard part for me. I love doing things and not waiting.... but there is not much I can do now! :) It is hard to not think about how this day could have an impact on the rest of my life... but we will just leave that in the hands of God. It is a great miracle and blessing to be at this stage and I feel so grateful!

Trying not to get toooooo Excited! But I can't help it!

Well, I never thought I would share with anyone when any of my children were conceived.... but this is different. We have two eggs that are ready to be fertilized (one is 19.3, the other is 18.3). So tonight we give the ovulation shot and tomorrow we go in for the artificial insemination procedure. Then we are in the waiting game-- 2 weeks before we know if we are pregnant or not. I feel so excited but trying not to get too excited-- there are still lots of things that could go wrong. But it just feels so good to be at this point and to have more hope that this may work!!! Hooray!

Growing

My dear mommy has been here... so I haven't taken the time to update the blog. But here is the news-- after ultrasound and blood work on Monday morning, we have three follicles that are growing.  One is 13.9 mm, one at 13.5, and one at 11.5.  Tomorrow morning I will know more. Still mixed emotions going on but overall optimistic! They kept my dose at 100 units. There were a lot of little follicles showing up on the ultrasound.  Hopefully they stay little and the big ones grow!

Teasers

Well... here goes the roller coaster ride again. Just when it looks good, the next time it looks bad or not as good as it did before. The 2 follicles that were the growing disapeared. My estrogen level actually went down. I am not sure why that happens. Sometimes if the follicles are bad (rotten eggs) they stop growing and we see fluid in place of where they use to be. We did see some fluid on one ovary, so that one was rotten. The plan now is to double my dose for four days and see if we can get these eggs to grow. Four more days of injectables and then ultrasound and blood work. I feel frustrated. I wish I had the Lord's view in all this it would be so much easier to take on. I am nervous about them doubling the dose of drugs- nervous that all 19 follicles will start to grow and I will have OHSS again. It is at times like these that I question everything-- Did I chose the right doctor? Am I really suppose to have more kids? Did I really receive answers from the Lord? Am I doing what is right for my body and my family?  Or am I just simply overacting (maybe because the crazy drugs I stick myself with)?  I need prayers. Prayers that I will be able to accept the Lord's will, prayers for my doctor, prayers that my body will recover from the drugs and this dumb pneumonia that I am still struggling with. Thanks for your love and support!

Progress

Well, we have done 5 days of clomid and 2 days of injectables. (Also, had pneumonia in the middle of that-- yuck!) I went in for ultrasound and bloodwork. 2 follicles are growing well at 13 mm. (They have to be 18 mm to be fertilized.) I also have one other that is growing but not that big yet. So we are on for two more days of injectables and then another ultrasound and bloodwork.  I am feeling optimistic at this point, but once again not getting over the top optimistic. More follicles could still be growing which would mean this cycle could end like the last one.... or maybe it won't. Time will tell.  Check back on Thursday for an update!

Here we go again! Climbing!

Well, yesterday I went in for my first ultrasounds. The residual cysts are all clear. The bad news is I am starting with 19 follicles on my ovaries. Gals without PCOS usually only have 6-8 follicles on their ovaries. So when we start feeding all of these follicles the hormones they want, I am hoping that we will only get two or three to mature... but it seems near impossible that will work... but miracles have not ceased and I believe the Lord has a plan for me.  I do trust my doctor... it is just hard to see how this will turn out different than the 1st cycle. The doc did cut my clomid intake in half and cut the injection dose by one third.  So the plan is to do 5 days of clomid, then 2 days of injectables, and back for ultrasound and bloodwork on Tuesday. Pray for us this will work out... we can only do one more cycle of injectables and then it is on to IVF (Invitro fertilitzation). I hope this doesn't seem to negative. I have to keep my hopes managable to that to not be too disappointed.  Here we go! :)

sad... disappointing... discouraging...

Well... life just stinks sometimes. Today is one of those times. My period started on Wednesday. I called the Dr to come in for ultrasound today. (You are suppose to have an ultrasound and bloodwork to get your starting levels and see how many follicles you have on Day 2, 3, or 4 of your period.) So I went in. The ultrasound tech started measuring things... a lot of things. I said in surprise " Are those my ovaries?" She said " Those are residual cysts on your ovaries." I said "Is that normal?" She said "About 25% of patients have them. Some doctors will allow you go ahead with your cycle. Some will not." I said "I have Dr. Sipe. How is he?" I was trying to get all the information out of her. She said " Dr. Sipe likes to progress.... but if you have more than 2-3 than it is more serious. And he may make you take a month off." So I knew when the nurse called today, that it might not be good. But I was hoping to be able to progress. Well, I am sure you can tell by the title of this post that it is not going to be happening. I know waiting for one more month isn't really a big deal in the big pictures of things. Mike and I have been trying for baby number 3 for 2 years now. It is hard to wait and do nothing. I have to go on birth control to suppress my ovaries and let everything calm down. So I am totally bummed, frustrated, and just want my body to work. I know it is not my fault and that I can't change things or even have control over them, but it is my body that is not working.... we can't even get to the step where Mike is involved physically. So it is my body that is holding us back--- but that has been the case for our entire journey of trying to conceive children. Won't it be nice in the resurrection--- a perfected body-- what a gift that will be for me!

fainting over

Did you know fertility drugs can make you faint?

I didn't either. Until this morning at 4:21 a.m. when I ran to the bathroom and was in pain from bloating (I knew the bloating was a normal fertility side effect and have experienced it since day 2 of the shots. The bloating seems to come and go.). Anyways, as I was using the bathroom I felt the blood rush out of my head and I thought, I am going to faint. That was my last thought before Mike was holding my face in his hands and saying "JESS! TALK TO ME!" I came to. This morning has soon as my docs office was open, I called. I went in and had a ultrasound and a quick check up. I was diagnosis with OHSS- Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. Here is a link to the more ins and outs of the syndrome : http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0004549/

Because my ovaries were/are so big, they are leaking fluid into my abdomen area. This causes a bunch of things, one of them would be fainting.

Crazy... I knew I probably wouldn't faint over the needles (maybe Mike would), but to faint because of extra fluid!

climbing upward

Well, the news is in. I have ten follicles--- wowsers! 3 of those are mature, 3 are in the will be mature by tomorrow. Go body. Unfortunately that is not a good thing right now. We need only 1-3 eggs mature and ready. Then they can be fertilized. So we have to flush this cycle. That means two-three weeks of waiting to get my period. Then we can start with a new cycle.

I knew that this 1st cycle is a trying period to see how my body responded... I knew deep down it probably wouldn't work, but it is still disappointing. I wanted things to work. Wanted to be pregnant... but that is not how this cycle is working out. So watch out world, Jess is here to have fun and enjoy the two adorable boys she has!!! And get emotionally and physically ready for climb #2.

Base Camp-- Cycle #1

So as soon as we got back from Utah, we met with Dr. Sipe, the Reproductive Endrocrinologist and Fertility Specialist. He told us the results of all the testing we had done. I do have PCOS. I do not have diabetes (at least not yet). I did not have gestational diabetes with the miscarriage in March. Mike is great, except some of his swimmers are not shaped like they should be.

The plan: take 5 days of clomid (an oral pill) and then two days of injections. That started on July 12th. On the 19th, we went in for an Ultra sound (US) and blood work (BW). Results: Two small follicles are growing. Do two more days of shots. Feelings: I was so excited. They told us when we started that I had 18 follicles just sitting there, so I was expecting more than two. The biggest follicles was 12 mm, and they need to be 18 mm before they can fertilize.

On the 21st, went back in for US/BW. Results: 7 follicles. The biggest one was 13mm. I was devasted after the US and thought this cycle would have to be ended. But to my surprise the nurse said because the follicles were small and my estrogen level was low, then we could continue with the shots and see what happens. I did shots from Thursday to Sunday night.

US/BW on July 25, today. I am not sure what the results are, but the US tech measured at least 8 follicles. She said the biggest one is 18mm, but I don't know how much bigger the other ones were.

Emotionally this is a little bit of a roller coaster ride. You wait, you find out some news, do more injections, then you wait again. Sometimes the news is good and sometimes it is indifferent.

I am waiting for the nurse to call to let me know... we will see if basecamp is successful (meaning egg maturing) or if we need to march to camp #2.

The name

The name of this blog comes from the song "The Climb" sung by Miley Cyrus. As I have driven the 30 minute drive to the fertility and back home, I have heard this song. It helps me to focus that I have so many blessings. Preston and Parker are here and are growing up so fast--- I need to enjoy it. There will be another trial even after this one. I need to make sure I am enjoying the climb! You can watch her video-- which I don't like much-- but listen to the song. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NG2zyeVRcbs